to er tian,
i love you lots. sometimes, you’re my only and my best companion. i’m sorry for all those years when i only thought of you as an annoying baby sister and didn’t give you enough love or support or inclusion in my life.. and so i let it go cause i figure i deserve it every time you shut me out. and i’m sorry that i had to go away to college and don’t come back enough, and unfailingly end up coming back later than i say. i feel horrible for every time you’ve cried because of my selfishness and that i’m not there right now. i want you to know that whenever i’ve seemed not supportive, i don’t mean to be.. and that i’m working on everything; because i know i’m completely flawed, i have problems and fears, and am not a great role model. because sometimes, i want to tell you things and for you to listen. cause i also want us to be more, i want to be your stronghold and castle.
i think you’ve grown up pretty great. i was saying to someone the other day, that if i were your classmate or something, i’d totally want to know you. you are beautiful and smart and funny and awesome. so stop hating on yourself, cause God gave you mad gifts. you are things that i never was and you have big dreams and heart. you’re a star, dude. i’m missing you and home. working on the webcam thing.
love, jie jie
